4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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