She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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