dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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