I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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