I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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