His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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