i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
