awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
