please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize