If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
someone owes me an orgasm
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
