Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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