No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
