guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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