Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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