I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
