Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
