New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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