can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
