i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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