What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
