I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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