i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
