Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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