please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
