She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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