you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You took a bar mat shot.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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