I wish my penis had an off switch
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
