In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
