maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize