Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
