i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
