Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
