is your mom at the bar?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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