To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
