So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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