I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my sisters under your porch take her home
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
