A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
