People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
