know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
