Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
