The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
