Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
