why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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