I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
