As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
