I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
