if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
