What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
