would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
