well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
