If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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