yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
