Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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