I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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