Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
