We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
