He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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