My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
