I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
