I heard we made out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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