I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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