You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
