need another drink. this is the easiest way
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
