I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
