I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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