The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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