so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
