he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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