I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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