i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
