Acid is not a monday night drug
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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