Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
